Pippy's Journey

Out of the ashes of a previous fire

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV)

I think the following story is important because without it I would not have the confidence that I have today.  Because of the last fire I went through, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God will bless me when the current fire passes.  I know this because of what came out of the last fire, and I know that whatever comes out of this fire will be just as good and once again, better than I could have imagined.

The last fire I went through was, up to this point, the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced.  My last fire was my divorce.  I was married to my first husband for six years.  We were young and both contributed our share of both good and bad to the marriage.  In January of 2007, he decided it was no longer what he wanted for his life.  At the time I was in another state visiting family.  I thought I was on vacation, but that’s not how it turned out.  The news hit me like a ton of bricks.  I literally fell to my knees and prayed for God to help me through this.  At that point, I was not living the best life and I knew I had nowhere to go but to God.  I knew I would never survive without Him. 

The first six months of separation were the hardest for me.  While I trusted God would get me through it, and eventually everything would be okay, I did not handle things well.  I didn’t eat.  I didn’t sleep.  I cried constantly to the point that my face was red and raw.  My family could only leave me alone for an hour or two before I was calling someone to come be with me.  I developed a nervous twitch that intensified whenever I was on the phone with my ex.  I was scared to death.  I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life, I would never have kids, and no one would want me.  I could not imagine how I would survive without this man in my life. 

And then my mom gave me some advice.  Pray for what you want and be specific.  So I did.  I prayed to stay married.  I prayed for reconciliation.  I prayed he would be willing to talk to me and at least try to work things out.  Eventually it became clear that he was not at all interested in working things out.  So I started praying for God’s will for my life, even if that meant I would be divorced.  And that was scariest thing I had ever prayed for. 

Six months after our separation, I moved from my parents’ house in with a roommate and I started to feel a little better.  One month later, after seven months of not knowing what was going on, of hearing “I’m just not sure what I want,” I finally got the divorce papers in the mail.  And then the anxiety kicked back in.  This was really happening.  After seven months, I couldn’t decide if my heart was officially shattered or if I was thankful the roller coaster was almost over.  In October 2007, I was officially divorced.  Ten months total. 

Now for the blessings and oh how I wish the words would do them justice! 

First, and most importantly, my relationship with God grew.  I believe God saved me from myself by putting me in another state when I got the news.  I know what kind of trouble I would have gotten into had I not had my family surrounding me.  So rather than turn to temporary relief from my pain, I turned to God. I read my Bible when I couldn’t think or when I needed to stop thinking about the situation.  I prayed constantly.  I had Godly council around me.  I still made mistakes and gave into temptation from time to time, but He brought me closer to Him.  

Image

Praying for a healthy baby.

Next, the roommate that moved in with me became my best friend.  My Lorie.  God gave me this special person because I needed her more than I realized.  He gave me a friend who truly loves me and wants the best for me, someone who is not at all afraid to tell me when I’m wrong or being stupid.  I have never had a closer friend.  We were the maids of honor in each others’ weddings.  Her and her husband refer to the baby in my belly as “their baby” and I’m honored that they love this child that much.  They are both amazing Christian people and I can’t believe how blessed I am to know them. 

ImageMe and Lorie on her wedding day.

Finally, and this is where my confidence comes from, my Timmy came out of the ashes of that fire.  That advice my mom gave me about “pray for what you want and be specific,” that worked.  God answered my prayers and did immeasurably more than I could have asked for or imagined.  He gave me Tim.  This man, who I’m now privileged to call Husband, is my rock.  Every little thing I prayed for, from the color of his eyes to his belief in God and everything in between, I got that in my Timmy.  God gave me more than I asked for.  He gave me more than I could have hoped for.  He gave me more than I could have imagined!  My husband is amazing and absolutely perfect for me!  I truly believe that because I trusted God through the fire of my divorce, He blessed me with Timmy.  My husband is what rose from the ashes of the last fire and I know that the blessings that come out of this fire, will be just as amazing as he is!  Thank you God for this man!

Image

Me and my Timmy.

I wish I could just share my story and those of you going through your own fires would feel the confidence that I feel.  I wish it was as simple as that, but I think you have to go through your own fire before you can experience this feeling.  My dear husband is learning that now.  I can’t make him feel what I feel, but when this fire passes, he’ll know what I mean because he’ll be experiencing his own blessings that have surpassed his expectations and are more than we could have imagined!

5 thoughts on “Out of the ashes of a previous fire

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your amazing well-written story — God is SO GOOD. It helps all of us to hear what God has done and is doing! May He lovingly carry you and Tim through this very difficult fire … we will continue to pray for you.

  2. Jessica, Oh, how I’ve been moved by your sharing of the story of this “fire” as you describe it. I know in my heart God has His Hand on Baby, and both you and Tim, as well. We don’t know why these things happen. We may never know until we are face to face with our Lord. However, it is in our best interest to trust in the Lord always. He is our source of strength and understanding. Tom and I love you as the daughter you have become, by joining our family. We support you and Tim in these most difficult times. You only have to call. Oh, yes, you will never know my joy and peace, to know you are the woman I prayed for my son as his wife and helpmate. God bless you both…

  3. I can not even begin to explain the emotional impact that has just taken place reading this….
    First of all, thank you. This is so pure and honest & brave and possibly the most beautiful thing I have EVER read(with tears running down my face). And truthfully, w/o God, this blog would not be posted to share with the world. My heart sinks for the “moment” for you & Tim and for the “eternity of peace that shall come”, it soars. I am praying for each one of you.
    Jessica, you may not know this, but you have already met one of your goals..I promise one heart has been touched and that heart needed a little shove back towards home( if you know what I mean)…much love and many prayers. I will continue to follow the story of your “fire”.

  4. Oh Jessica. I read this and tears just started to fall. I’m currently having marriage troubles and your faith in God is inspiring to me. Thanks for sharing!!

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