“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.”
Psalm 130:5-6 (NIV)
Last week was rough. Let me start out by saying, the baby is still living it up in Mama’s belly, happily frolicking and bouncing off my walls. The baby is still growing, but is about two weeks behind in growth. Other than that, there were no new developments. We are thankful for continued growth and that nothing is looking worse. We are still desperately praying for a miracle and waiting on God’s timing and for His plan for this baby to be revealed. Oh and one more thing…IT’S A GIRL! I was shocked. I definitely had convinced myself that I was carrying a boy.
I know my last post was about having faith bigger than fear, but like I said, last week was rough. Fear is a real part of this journey. Even though we didn’t receive any bad news from the doctor, we still have to re-live the reality of our situation each time we go in. This is really happening. Our baby has some problems. We really don’t know if our baby will live. Plus on top of all that, we lost Christie to cancer last week. I actually hate to say we “lost” her because we didn’t. She’s just in a different place, a better, more wonderful, completely pain free and drama free place. So last week was full of chaotic emotions – mourning and rejoicing over Christie’s passing, fear and faith about God’s plan for the baby, acknowledging the reality of the situation without losing hope that God can give us a miracle, etc. It’s exhausting!
I keep thinking of a line from the song “Everlasting God” by Lincoln Brewster, “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.” This does not come easy. It is a choice, every minute of every day, to be positive, to choose not to give into the fear, to not drive ourselves insane as we wait on God’s plan to unfold. His plan will be revealed to us, but it may not be until this baby leaves my body. Come February, we will know if this baby is meant to live or die. And as I’ve said before, as long as this child has a heartbeat, we will pray for miraculous healing.
So thank you to all of you who have been lifting Baby Legan up in your prayers. Please continue to pray for God to give us a miracle. Thank Him for the blessing this little girl has already been, in our lives and hopefully in yours as well. Pray for peace of mind for Timmy and me, that we’ll be able to just breathe and wait, and that our faith will be bigger than our fear.
Heather, Christie and me. Thank you God for the time you put this amazing woman on earth! She was a blessing to all who knew her. She truly used her time here well and gave you glory. We are proud of her and we know You are too!