I’ve had several requests for an update. “Jessica, when are you going to update the blog?” “How have you been?” “What have you been up to?”
I do plan to update my blog occasionally, hence the current entry; however, I don’t want to start boring people with the mundane aspects of life. (“Today, I did laundry and I even folded it.” Wow…stimulating.)
But, since you’ve been asking, here’s what’s been happening…
Healing, First and Foremost: Day in and day out, we are healing individually and as a couple. I think we’re doing very well. Most of our days are great. Most of our conversations about Pippy are more smiles than tears. Life is moving forward…quickly. I can’t believe we’re almost at the 6 month mark.
And right there with us, holding Healing’s hand, is Grief. I am not a fan of Grief. Personally, I think he’s kind of a jerk. He shows up uninvited at the most random times. He pushes his way to the front of the emotional line and oftentimes takes over. He’s that obnoxious guest at the party who walks through the door, stumbling through the crowd and loudly and rudely announces “I’m HERE!!” The room goes quiet and everyone looks on as if to say, “Yes, we see you. When are you leaving?” But Grief will never leave. Ever. He will always be there and that pisses me off. In the years to come, he will change forms. He will become less obnoxious. He will learn to be invited to the party. He will learn to be respectful of the other emotions. He will most likely turn into a friend rather than an annoyance. I look forward to that day, when I can sit quietly with Grief and reminisce about when we first met. But for the time being, we are learning how to live together. (Side note: For those of you [females] who are also new acquaintances with Grief, be prepared that Grief and PMS are super close buddies who feed off each other and occasionally try to make your head explode.)
Bringing Bacon Home: We are both back to work and have been for quite a while now. Summer is the busy season for us. School is out. People (other people, not us) are on vacation. Timmy is working hard, as usual. (That man amazes me with his ability to work in the serving industry and not commit a felony. I would probably be locked up for murder or assault at least. PS…don’t forget to tip your server 20%.)
My job is non-stop during the summer. It’s filled with day camps, summer camps, mission trips, day trips, lunch trips, movie nights, nurse’s forms, medical forms, buses, vans, and trailers. Not to mention constant phone calls and emails and the regular stuff that needs to be done. I’m not complaining though. I love my job. I love getting to work with the summer interns. I love getting to go on some of the trips with the youth and be part of the fun activities with the younger kids. Timmy is getting to be part of that this year too. For 6 weeks this summer, we have movie night at our house with the youth group followed by philosophical discussion about the film. I’m amazed at the insight these teens have! We are learning from them and getting to know them better and it’s awesome. If you aren’t involved with the youth in your church or community, get involved. They will change you and hopefully you will change them also.
Doing What We Love: Free time! Who doesn’t love those days when you get to choose what you want to do instead of what you have to do? Timmy of course plays his drums every chance he gets. He is so talented and even though I can barely hear myself think when he plays, I love hearing him. Pippy loved hearing him too. She was always very active when he played. Even more so, I love watching him play. He plays almost every Sunday with our church band and I’m blown away by him. He has the unique ability to truly worship while he plays. The drums are second nature to him, so he doesn’t have to focus on what’s next or what he’s currently doing. He has this beautiful gift to just play and it’s awesome to watch him with his eyes closed and his head raised to God while he beats on the toms and clangs the cymbals. I don’t have that ability, especially if I were on a stage. I would be too consumed with not messing up and making sure I did my part right that I wouldn’t be able to fully focus on God.
My free time is spent creating. I’m currently trying to build my inventory for My Hippie Creations. My “marketing manager” is on me to get a webpage up and really start selling. I love her encouragement and her eye for graphics. Yesterday I showed her my idea for canning labels and she said “That’s great! We just need to change the image because it’s pixalated and we can choose a better font and maybe change the wording here.” So basically let’s change everything. I gladly handed that project over to her. I spend my evenings crocheting with yarn and plarn and T-shirt yarn (oh my). I’m upcycling T-shirts and stockpiling sewing projects. I’ve got two baby blankets to complete before September. I’m working on my own projects around the house. My biggest endeavor currently is canning. I’ve got orders for 65 jars of salsa! Thank you God for answering my prayer to turn what I love to do into a profit. (Shameless plug: All local and organic. $5 for 16 oz. Mild, medium, HOT, or tomatillo. For local customers unless you’re willing to pay $15-$20 for shipping, which personally, I say save your money and go support your own local hippies at your own farmer’s market.) I’m excited to get My Hippie Creations officially up and running. Right now it’s word of mouth only and that is enough to keep me busy. I will be offering homemade, recycled/upcycled, and/or organic/natural products, and I hope you will find them as fun and useful as I do.
We’ve also gotten to take a couple trips to the beach. We are hoping to make a trip to San Antonio this summer, but our weekends are filling up fast. We have regular date nights, either out or at home. We are having tons of fun with the youth this summer, as I mentioned above. And we’ve been able to have friends over several times this summer to BBQ and play.
The Fun and Not-So-Fearless Fantastic Future: We are looking forward. We are moving forward. We are “making plans.” Notice the quotations because if we’ve learned anything in the last year, it’s that we don’t make the plans. We can try, but God is ultimately in charge. We’re wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, “planning” and dreaming for the day we add another baby to our family. My prayer is that once we are officially trying, God will allow us to get pregnant quickly. Us womenfolk know that once you start talking about trying to have a baby, the whole world revolves around the “cycle” and that is not a fun way to live. Periods and ovulation and cramps and wondering and waiting and Googling and extreme measures can take all the fun and romance out of making a baby. Plus there’s the disappoint each month that the stick doesn’t change. I haven’t experienced this yet, but I know from some of my dear friends how heartbreaking that is. I’m praying God spares me the monthly heartache of waiting and waiting and gives me the strength and peace to wait on His timing if I don’t get knocked up right away.
And speaking of tests, my “marketing manager” is also my “pee pal.” Every month she comes to my office with a giant grin and says, “You look pregnant.” Gee thanks, friend. And somehow, every month, she manages to convince me to pee on a stick. “Kim, I’m not pregnant. I’m not even late yet!” To which she excitedly replies, “C’mon! Take a test! It’ll be fun! I’ll take one with you!!” So I roll my eyes and giggle and off we go to the potty to pee in tandem on the magical baby wand. This is a hobby for her. She’s been doing it for years. I’m considering buying stock for her. And as silly as this new tradition is, I know it will be one of the times in my life that I look back on and smile.
And the blessings come tumbling down. Thank you God for my amazingly wonderful, supportive, caring, patient, hard working, loving hubby! Thank you for my crazy girlfriends. Thank you for laughter through tears and plans through pain. Thank you for changes and growth and the promise that you will always be there. Thank you for truly understanding me on the hard days and telling me it’s okay to be weak, it’s okay to not feel overcome by the Holy Spirit and it’s okay to wonder if the road ahead is still very bumpy. Thank you for allowing me to talk to you as a friend and say “Ya know what? I’m having a crappy day! I’m pissed off that my baby died. I’m hurt and scared and lonely in a crowd. I need you to carry me cause I’m about to fall apart.” Thank you for blessing me with creativity and please allow me to use that to benefit others. Thank you for pee sticks and silly times and sandy feet. Thank you for my puppy baby! Seriously, that dog has been some unbelievable therapy! Please continue to use me to encourage others (but please don’t let anything bad happen).
And thank you friends for continuing to take an interest in my humble, goofy life. I hope things get more interesting soon!